New Blakewood campaign ad

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Khan Quits His Job

To my genetically inferior superiors,

For too long I have toiled on your behalf while you sit in your executive level chairs made of fine Corinthian leather. For too long I have been micromanaged by Brenda, a woman so dense she can block neutrinos. The fact that you don’t get that joke is further proof of your inferiority.

In addition to knowing my wrath, you must also know why. Here is a list of grievances that I am submitting to you for the eighth and final time.
1.Bill has said on several occasions that my hair makes me look like a geriatric Peggy Bundy.
2.Carl has a ring tone that features William Shatner screaming my name over and over again. He keeps playing it for his friends and acts like it’s still funny every time.
3.Beth keeps making bigoted statements about the genetically enhanced. I have reported her to HR on multiple occasions, yet no action has been taken.
4.Meryl is permitted to wear her slutty tops to work, yet I am not allowed to wear my vest that shows off my glorious pecs.

While the order to stay at least 50 feet from your secretary keeps me from killing all of you, be aware that all your trespasses against me shall not go unavenged. You may expect OHSA inspectors to arrive sometime on Thursday. They have receive a not-so anonymous tip regarding the obsolete sprinkler system that to which you fools have entrusted all our lives. May their bureaucracy stifle you like your mediocrity has stifled me.

Signed
Khan Noonien Singh

Mark Souder Gets Rapped

Stressed Out Woman Creates Another Video

Stressed out local writer/artist Gloria Diaz isn't just writing about her medical woes, now she's making videos about them.

"I should have recorded the surgery as it was happening, but this is funnier and nonsensical and not nearly as gross," says Diaz.

Diaz claims she has a cold, but will refrain from filming the snot dripping from her nose. At least for now.

Contest Entry

Jesus Rents Self

According to Failblog.org, Jesus is hard up for cash.

The website reports that Jesus contacted an advertising firm in New Zealand about putting a sign on a shack by a two-lane road.

The ad firm was mum about the transaction, and what exactly Jesus would do and for how much.

Rich Asshole Plagiarizes Poor Asshole

Rich asshole Seth MacFarlane, creator of the hit television shows “Family Guy,” “American Dad” and “The Cleveland Show”, has been accused of plagiarizing from other shows such as “The Simpsons.” Now, he’s being accused of plagiarizing a person.

Robert Enders, a poor asshole from Fort Wayne, Indiana, resembles MacFarlane to the extent that he is filing a lawsuit against MacFarlane for Doppelganger Infringement.
“I can’t fucking believe him,” exploded Enders, 30. “He’s a rich fuck and can’t even have an original looking face. He has to look like me!”

MacFarlane, 35, has taken hits in the press for not having an original concept with his breakout hit, “Family Guy.” Cancelled twice, it finally went back on the air after DVD sales skyrocketed and reruns of the show on Cartoon Network generated a healthy fan base.

“I don’t give fuck about Enders,” said MacFarlane, from his home in California.

“Well, fuck him,” said Enders, in response.

“No, fuck YOU, Robert!”

“NO, FUCK YOU, Seth!”

After several more minutes of tough-guy brags and taunts, MacFarlane and Enders got into a fight, which worsened when an obese man and a giant chicken entered into the fracas.