Thursday, January 29, 2009

Faltering Retail Creates New Job Trend

The declining economy has created a hot new job trend, just in time for laid-off employees. The job: Sign holder for failing businesses.
Economists expect the need for sign holders to increase as a sluggish economy continues to take hit after hit.
“At least there’s a silver lining,” says Ben Dover, of E.E.E.K, the Economic Edification Education Klan. “With the thousands of layoffs, come a handful of jobs being created.”
Sign holders have at least some college education, although most for the company that’s preparing to go out of business.
“It’s totally ironic,” says Barry Blakeman, who became a sign holder when his former, employer, Linens ‘N Things, went out of business. He says he went from being a department head to sign holder after the company filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in May 2008.
One sign holder, who declined to give his name, says, “at least I’m not sitting around at home collecting unemployment. I’m standing out here in subfreezing weather alerting drivers to unbelievable bargains from failing retailers. I feel special.”
However, others are embarrassed about the job.
“I wrap up my face to keep warm and to keep from anyone seeing me,” said a sign holder who refused to be identified, but was okay with being photographed.
"I’ll be honest though. This job fucking sucks.”

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Obama To Close Gitmo, Cancel "24"

President Obama ordered that the detention center at Guantanamo Bay be shut down within a year, and that the TV show "24" be taken off the air. "The United States does not and should not condone torture," the President said at a press conference. "Never should we force detainees to endure waterboarding or expect audiences to sit through 60 minutes of a blatantly contrived storyline involving Kiefer Sutherland running around pointing a gun at people's heads.