Thursday, January 28, 2010

Local Church Reaches Out to Negroes; Other Non-whites

A Fort Wayne, Indiana church is seeking to help those unfortunate individuals who weren’t born white.
“God can help,” says Pastor Rich Reynolds, of the Wallen Road Church of Christ. “He can make you white as snow.”
The church is offering a 10-week program in “Whiteness,” where participants will lose all sense of rhythm, avoid the south side of Fort Wayne, forbid their children to listen to rap, refuse to eat fried chicken and develop an appreciation for BMWs and clothing from L.L. Bean.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Hourly Room Rental to Lure Visitors to Downtown Fort Wayne

A new hotel planned for downtown Fort Wayne will offer several job opportunities for women 14-40.
An Hour At Harrison, by Courtyard by Marriott, will rent rooms by the hour, with female companions available for sightseeing, formal tours and companionship.
A spokesman for the Downtown Improvement District was thrilled at the prospect of women luring people downtown, if only for an hour.
“Our goal is to bring people downtown at any cost,” said the spokesman.
Applications for the position will be taken at several of the city’s strip clubs. Those women not old enough to enter the strip clubs should apply at the Fort Wayne Convention and Visitors Bureau.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Doctors Remove Big Mac from Rush Limbaugh's Aorta

Doctors have finally revealed they removed a Big Mac from Rush Limbaugh’s aorta. The hospital's staff planned to keep quiet until Limbaugh’s girlfriend said what she was doing when Limbaugh called her regarding his chest pains.
On hearing the news, millions of liberals were despondent that the Big Mac removal will add years to his life, but have hopes Limbaugh will still be taken down by a sniper, die in a plane crash or embarrass himself to death.