How to end Global Warming

Obama can reverse global warming by adopting a first strike policy. This would have the short term effect of blocking out the sun with dust, thereby reducing global temperatures. In the long run, CO2 emissions will be reduced dramatically due to the decrease in the world's population. Additional benefits of this plan include a permanent reduction in nuclear stockpiles around the world due to retaliation, and an increase in biodiversity due to radiation.

Critics: Obama Is Soft On Reality Television

Conservative pundits and talk show hosts have accused President Obama of failing to protect the nation from reality show contestants.
"Obama should have known that the Heene family was developing WMD's," Ann Coulter charged. "The Salahis infiltrated the White House just to prove the point that America is weak. It was the biggest liberal failure since the Clinton Administration failed to apprehend Richard Hatch when he was still in Borneo."