Wal-mart Provides Higher Education At a Lower Price

Just when you thought Wal-mart was everywhere, it is. Wal-mart recently announced the opening of the Wal-mart Institute of America, an online college offering degrees at cut-rate prices.

“Why the hell didn’t we think of this before?” exclaimed Bob Walton, one of the heirs to the Wal-mart fortune. “Americans have indicated they will buy anything at our store, and since everyone is going to school nowadays, we thought it would be a worthwhile addition to the usual crap we sell.”

A full range of educational degrees will be available, from certificates to the doctorate level.

In keeping with the tradition of Wal-mart superstores, the Wal-Mart Institutes of America will offer a wide variety of programs and majors at low prices.

Private colleges and universities can cost $25,000 a year or more for students pursuing a four-year degree. Wal-mart will offer bachelor’s degrees for a mere $20,000, which is a savings of more than 75 percent.

Those needing financial aid can apply for it through the Institute. Student loans will be offered through Wal-bank, the retailer’s newest venture into the banking industry.

Students who graduate from Wal-mart Institute of America will have their student loans forgiven if they agree to work at Wal-mart for at least 20 years after they graduate.

However, not everyone is thrilled that the nation’s largest retailer is offering college diplomas.

“Okay, think about it. Wal-mart’s stuff is mostly poorly-made crap made in China,” gripes Willard LeSnobé, of the National Association of Higher Education. “Do you think a Wal-mart diploma is going to get you as far, as say, a degree from Notre Dame?”

Along with the convenience of online classes and low tuition, students who enroll at Wal-mart Institute get their very own vest, smiley face button, and a nametag combining both regular and italic letters.